Bruce Lee is a legend in American martial arts and american movie culture, he was a force to reckon with in the 60's and 70's. Creating his own style of martial art called "Jeet Kune Do" and breaking boundaries for Asian Americans. With his movies and his philosophy, in a time when Asian Americans were seen as weak and vulnerable. Regardless of his size, Bruce Lee never let that get to him. He was determined to become the best master: "As you think, so shall you become." As a young man coming into age, I want to become a righteous, well-rounded man like Lee. I have a hard time staying on track when my mind is scattered and not focused. L.E.A.D helps me to remember my goals, L.E.A.D stands for Learn, Educate, Advocate, and Determination. L.E.A.D is to help me get into a positive mind state everyday in my life.
Everyday I take the initiative to implement at least one letter in my everyday life. I learn from the environment I'm in, from the current events to the people that live in the environment; so I'm able to make my presence and cause clear. For every environment has a different dilemma that needs to be addressed. Within my own environment I have many problems of my own, but I can not solve them without the right direction. Education guide's me in the right direction, for it is the educator's from my past teacher's, current professors, and future professors who are guiding me in their professions so I can broaden my vision about current events and see the world in a different perspective. So in the future their guidance will be incorporated into my own. When I face a challenge or have too advice my kids in the right directions.
Which is why communication is extremely vital. Communication through advocacy and building a strong relationship with my children to show them a righteous path. To demonstrate, what it is to live with a cause. For example, Bruce Lee was not shy to show his intentions of what he wanted to be remembered for. But that he wanted to change the idea of Asian Americans. His message of self discovery, truthfully expressing yourself and functionality over blind dedication to tradition still resonates as strongly today as it did in the 60's and 70's.
But learning, educating, and advocating my goals in life will not be reached unless I'm determined to lead my life into success. Determination is the foundation to L.E.A.D. As Bruce Lee said "As you think, so shall you become" I've met many intelligent people in my life but do not have the will power to follow through with their beliefs. Because a life worth living is not an easy one, and many adversaries are on my path. Some a bigger challenge than other's but my drive can not stop. To envision my own success will guide me to where I want to be, L.E.A.D is what encourages me to be my greatest when all has failed. I am the only one that can make or break my destiny. L.E.A.D. is not just a motto for me but a lifestyle; I live by because of my background. I have a lot of challenges against me but that does not mean I cannot lead my life to success!
Jeyson
Your introduction is very good. Great hook and transitions and thesis.
ReplyDeleteYour first body paragraph has a very sound topic sentence, and you go on to give reasons of each word in your acronym. However, a specific example--even a brief one that gets developed in a later body paragraph--is missing in each case. For instance, when is one moment in your everyday life where you "learned"? What's a current event that taught you something you hadn't known prior? What did it teach you? What is one thing a teacher educated you, for the E, for educate? That second word/letter is somewhat misleading, because I thought you were the one educating (different from learning, right?). But, if you are going to use it to talk about how you are being taught, just provide a quick example.
Starting off the second BP with the fragment "Which is why communication is extremely vital" is an easy fix. What is the "which" referring to? You could either delete the phrase "which is why" or define your subject: "All of life's challenges makes communication extremely vital," for instance.
Also, in that same second BP, you don't exemplify how Lee was a communicator. You just state that he was. Describe his actions that show him LEADing.
Never start a sentence with But... especially a conclusion. The usage at the start is informal and causes grammatical issues. You can simply cut this word, here.
Overall, you have a solid essay structure and enough paragraphs. Your grammar and syntax issues are getting better in this draft. The main issue is to include more examples of LEAD in action. We need to see you and Lee both illustrating specific things that fit these terms you throw out in the essay.